Reclaiming Your Story and the Power of Choosing You

Selyn Hong: [: 00:00:00

Like listening to your body, listening to how you're feeling. think these the choice to leave. Spend some time in California get to know my dad again. those types of things really were these needs and really meeting my needs much [00:01:00] more than if I to have just. Toughed it out and, and stayed on at school. so that was probably one of the biggest , moments I could think of in my life because of the potential magnitudes of a choice like that. I literally remember my cousin calling me after, you know, everyone in the family found out that I had just withdrawn from school, you know? and I remember him. You know, being on the phone with me, and he's actually a couple years younger than me, but he's, he's mature. His own life experiences that I think really shaped him. And he's been more like a sibling. But I remember him calling me and saying statistics show that when you withdraw from school, you know, most don't go back.

And I don't remember the exact statistics he quoted, but I'm sure you know, he had hand. He was really worried that, hey, I drop outta school and not go back.

e wanted for me. But I think [: 00:02:00

Like listening to your body, listening to how you're feeling. think these the choice to leave. Spend some time in California get to know my dad again. those types of things really were these needs and really meeting my needs much more than if I to have just. Toughed it out and, and stayed on at school. so that was probably one of the biggest , moments I could think of in my life because of the potential magnitudes of a choice like that. I literally remember my cousin calling me after, you know, everyone in the family found out that I had just withdrawn from school, you know? and I remember him. You know, [00:03:00] being on the phone with me, and he's actually a couple years younger than me, but he's, he's mature. His own life experiences that I think really shaped him. And he's been more like a sibling. But I remember him calling me and saying statistics show that when you withdraw from school, you know, most don't go back.

And I don't remember the exact statistics he quoted, but I'm sure you know, he had hand. He was really worried that, hey, I drop outta school and not go back.

Alexa Beavers: What happens when the biggest pressure you face isn't from family, your teachers, or your boss, but it's actually from yourself?

Salan Hong grew up as a first generation daughter of a hardworking immigrant mom carrying the weight of expectations to achieve and prove that her sacrifice was worth it. She checked all the boxes. She went to college, law school, spent 13 years as an attorney. On the outside, it looked like success.

that the pressure she put on [: 00:04:00

It really comes from writing your very own.

Selyn began her career journey as an attorney specializing in labor and employment matters before discovering her true passion for unlocking human potential and driving organizational transformation. Now in her second chapter, leading HR at a global organization, she brings a rare blend of legal acumen, strategic vision, analytical rigor, and people-centered leadership to guiding change at scale.

curiosity, and empathy. She [: 00:05:00

Outside of work, Selyn is a whole human finding, joy and time with her husband Joe, and with their two kids, Wyatt and Ava, as well as connecting with friends. She loves trying new restaurants, attending live concerts, and exploring the great outdoors. Her journey is one of continuous evolution rooted in her values, courage, connection, and the conviction that real transformation starts from within.

I'm so delighted you're here today.

Selyn . Thanks for joining us.

Selyn Hong: Thank you, Alexa. Yeah,

Alexa Beavers: I'm so excited for you to share some of your insights from your life's path with our listeners. And usually we drop in the, a tougher part. So what is one messy moment over the course of your career or life that you feel like the listeners might be able to identify with?

ere are a few that stand out [: 00:06:00

Alexa Beavers: you're in college, young adulthood, and then I hear wow. Law school, you practice law. That's a big deal. In my minds I am always like, wow, that's a really accomplished person. But now I hear you saying you felt lost.

t I was focused on in school [: 00:07:00

And focused on, education, which I really appreciated. And at the same time, you know, certain careers are the right careers, let's say. On top of that, I also came from a single parent household. You I have many wonderful memories with my dad when I was very young. really it was when I was starting middle school that he moved to California and I grew up in New York and wasn't really a, big part of our lives, if at all. [00:08:00] I would say maybe an annual phone call, really. Right. And really my mother who was the one who raised us from that point on from a presence perspective, being there for us and providing, and also even just financial providing.

So she was a working mother and I think just. Even leading up to the point of my dad moving, I would say that was already where my mother was the provider and she was the one who was around all the time. Some point the biggest change was when my dad sort of moved.

And then at that point it was a big turning point in terms of ingraining in me certain. Lessons true or not? I think really what I took from that was I have to be extremely self-reliant. And working hard is really critical, and my mother worked. Probably the hardest worker I've observed.

would do and how, exhausted [: 00:09:00

And pulled it Yeah.

some of those moments really instilled certain mindsets in me choices and the choices that I should be making. And I also was very much wanting to, in some ways ensure that, that my mom and her sacrifices meant something. And I really very much wanted to do what I'm supposed to do in a sense I found ways to, to have fun on the side when I could.

little lost. You were like, [: 00:10:00

So

Selyn Hong: tell

Alexa Beavers: me a little bit more about how those early moments culminated into kind of that signal that you got.

nt we were very distant I, I [: 00:11:00

And so I do remember it was the first time in my life where I felt that I really wasn't that functional. I I would have memories of being in my dorm room and, just being in bed all day, which really was not. myself, right? I don't have a medical degree, but I think probably that would've, , been point where I potentially was experiencing some form of depression,

Alexa Beavers: if you think about you building up in your own mind what's good? I need to get the right job. I need to be self-reliant. I need to study the right things. I need to work hard. I need to, I'm ob, I have obligations. And then finding that you are not functioning the way you always had, and probably rightfully so in such a.

Tough circumstance. It must have been pretty disconcerting because you may have felt like, who am I?

de me question also what was [: 00:12:00

Alexa Beavers: are testing the edges,

Selyn Hong: like dating people my mom absolutely hated, and who I liked, right? Or picking the school I wanted to go to, things like that.

. probably more control than [: 00:13:00

Alexa Beavers: It sounds to me like you had some strong. Mindsets happening in here that said, okay, this thing that I'm about to do date, this guy over here, my mom hates, is super, super rebellious when really it, she might not have liked him, but you felt like it was a big act probably to do this thing.

And now looking back you're like, gosh, I could have actually just done it. And it, it wasn't such a big active rebellion, but it sounds like by the time you were faced with something pretty harrowing, the news of your father's cancer when you hadn't seen him in years and there's a lot of feelings there, led you to rethink a lot of things and.

In a big, as opposed to doing these little tests of the edges of the mindset.

actually glad I made at the [: 00:14:00

Alexa Beavers: I'm almost imagining you going up to the admissions office or whatever office it is and being like, I'm withdrawing, and that feels heavy. What was that like in that moment as you were. Everything that you had told yourself was important, which is to be a hard worker, be dependable, fulfill your obligations.

What was that like?

time felt empowering there's [: 00:15:00

I just asked myself, what will I regret more ? And I think in this moment, my question to myself was, worst case scenario happens, dad doesn't make it. And maybe even less time. Cause you really, there's no magic number. I think it's just a, is just an estimate or approximation of right.

g happened next week or next [: 00:16:00

sometimes

it's also.

Alexa Beavers: I live with

Selyn Hong: What you didn't do. Exactly. Yeah. And so I think that was a helpful framework. and at the Same time, it was also a decision for myself, right? So it wasn't just about going to see my dad and spending some time with him while he's sick.

f she may be doing that, you [: 00:17:00

Wanting to make sure someone else is

happy

or

Alexa Beavers: never know the trade off you were making

Selyn Hong: And I think those, maybe those trade offs in inside were building up over time. And there were ways that I would do things that probably visibly looked incredibly selfish actually as a teenager. I had a rebellious streak too. I wasn't, and that's what I meant when I said, if you ask mom, she probably wouldn't say I would do things that what she wanted for me. But I think ultimately in decision making, I would know this, I think some of these choices I was making were really taking its toll. And always necessarily aligned with, I think my own needs, I guess, whether that's emotionally or , any other way. And so I think in this case. listening, that of listening to your body or listening to, you know, the fact that hey, you're actually at the first time in your life, it's hard for you to get outta bed, right?

me in California get to know [: 00:18:00

And I don't remember the exact statistics he quoted, but I'm sure you know, he had hand. He was really worried that, hey, I drop outta school and not go back. .

tle trade off here. A little [: 00:19:00

It's not really what I wanna do, but it's not gonna hurt me. And I almost imagine that just became a weight over time. And then you find yourself, just not yourself anymore. And what stood out to me is you said you, you found your body saying to yourself, nothing's, this isn't working for me.

I'm just gonna lay here in bed. I'm not motivated

Selyn Hong: yeah.

Alexa Beavers: And then you did get up and when you got up so that you could step into a big, messy, scary, empowering choice that had a bunch of mixed emotions, and I think that's pretty incredible.

Selyn Hong: yeah. It was almost the first series later I think, you know, because was a couple of decades ago. I think it just really helped set the stage have the courage to do things that might seem. scary in the moment, or risky,

and maybe they me. are not actually risky.

you gonna lose or what's the [: 00:20:00

I think sometimes I thought if I make these choices, that is the safe route, right? The less risky route. And I think I was just realizing maybe over time that I thought I was playing it safe, but what I thought was safe was actually more risky for me and more harmful.

Alexa Beavers: How did you think about safety in those days that you were making the choices that maybe looked pretty good on the outside with a little teenage rebellion thrown in?

Selyn Hong: certainly there was the element of external perceptions. Versus what's going on inside.

I do think some of that for sure from just the UPG bringing and the cultural, you in terms of um, growing up in a Korean immigrant household. Being mindful of. community and sort of the external image,.

rents, in that community may [: 00:21:00

And I think she told me the story of, back in the day in Korea, she immigrated here in the, to the US in the seventies, that, she was told that, no, you can't. Go into those professions. Right? And she ended up going into nursing and she told me, I still remember her telling me, she loved James Dean and, James movies and dreaming about coming to the us right?

So I think she came here to further opportunities and further her education. And I think in those, in that era, the way many people were able to immigrate to the US was, through like going into nursing, just the way some of the immigration. Laws were set up in that day. Right.

ow, that a joke in my family [: 00:22:00

somebody who like, ah, I love nursing. I wanted to, was good

at

Alexa Beavers: so she had to betray her passions too, just maybe for some different reasons.

Selyn Hong: e Exactly.

Alexa Beavers: you watched her do

Selyn Hong: Exactly. then, she didn't work for a while. My dad and her owned a business and then things didn't go well. And then, with the recession in the eighties, right. And then when my dad left and even leading up to that time when he wasn't really or providing, then went back to nursing and renewed her license.

And then. I watched her working really hard the entire time, working night shift several days a week us and honestly, I think she had a lot of joy, interestingly. That's one I really appreciate about my mom. That I never saw that she was experiencing hardship.

I don't know if that was intentional or that she just. Loved us so much that she was like, this was giving her, you

Alexa Beavers: maybe there's a mix.

Selyn Hong: Yeah. And

d joy and you could see that [: 00:23:00

Selyn Hong: I did. I did. Yeah.

Alexa Beavers: I wanna ask you a couple questions about, you said, I think that moment where you decided to make you chose you it laid the path to some future choices. So how did that fast forward you in life, in your career to do some things differently?

Selyn Hong: I mentioned earlier that that may have been one of a combination of messy moments that really led to. where I am today doing things I love doing. say there were other sort of turning point moments. interestingly, I'd say the other one that comes to mind actually again, involves my dad.

So what I would say was my dad actually did not, uh. Pass away when I was in college and against, you know, all odds. He actually ended up surviving and lived another 10

years

Alexa Beavers: Wow. And I thought you said he had a four month prognosis or

Selyn Hong: That's what his Healthcare providers had communicated to us children. And so that's what we had thought at the time.

ne call with, his healthcare [: 00:24:00

And interestingly enough, we later discovered that it was actually the same one, but it was just slow growing

e were much earlier. But was [: 00:25:00

Alexa Beavers: Did you use your decision making tool or process,

Selyn Hong: absolutely.

And I have to say that, just prioritizing people and. relationships in my life was a, a that was, you know, emerging more and more and continues to this day. you know, I would say that I think one, regret I had, but the reason it's not a regret is because I think I able to make choices later so that it didn't end up to be a permanent kind of regret.

But I always felt bad kind of just having been in college at that time and not being able to help my sister as much.

Alexa Beavers: So you still had a sense of obligation at that in yeah I did. Yeah.

Maybe it's not just obligation, maybe it's just, maybe it's caring. Maybe there's a different reframe. I don't know. How would you name it if it was an obligation?

Selyn Hong: values. it's values, and is, could it be love languages? I've, I've and I

Alexa Beavers: It could [: 00:26:00

Selyn Hong: yeah, acts of service. That's our love language in our family. So what it's so, it could be that, I you know her, my brother lived in California at the time, the first time my dad got sick when I was in. College and my sister did as well. And she moved from the Bay area to LA to be my dad's primary caretaker. my brother and sister, both um, people I'm super close to and really respect. that was just watching her in her twenties do that , right after college and, go through some of the things she went through when my dad was sick and it actually, looking back, I, actually resulted , in her going back to get her requirements for school.

And, and ended up gonna medical school, which she had thought about doing when she was in college and then changed paths and then. Changed her mind after the experience of my dad, and now she, she's a radiation oncologist, so it sort of is full 360 where I think that experience really

influenced her life path in that way So,

Alexa Beavers: she wondered what she would regret not doing and then signed up for

Selyn Hong: [: 00:27:00

Yeah.

Alexa Beavers: you never know. You could maybe this will open a door to learn more. You never know. So Saly, as you think about how you have, these are whole human moments, oftentimes in these podcasts we talk just about the sanitized work version. I think people have been more and more brave, and I love the whole human stories 'cause every leader that you look up to has a story that you don't wear on your sleeve, but it does influence how you show up with your family, with your loved ones.

And with the people you spend a whole lot of time with in the office. So how does this influence how you show up with people from, as a mom to as a coworker?

I view my role. So currently [: 00:28:00

Alexa Beavers: Yeah, from lawyer to hr. Okay. I think it does happen, but that's a.

Selyn Hong: it switch. Yeah. I, and I think just given that I was focused in the employment space and , labor and employment and had always worked so closely with HR as a client huge giant leap, but it was definitely a big career change. And , in terms of what will this lead to? I had no idea. I definitely makes me think about design, right? And as we're thinking about experience for people in the workplace and , design it in ways that work for.

ical to take some innovative [: 00:29:00

So really has impacted up in that way. That's

that, what is the thing that [: 00:30:00

Selyn Hong: what really helps is to have a lot of clarity around your values and what's important to you.

And having. A clear line of sight into that in making decisions. So I'd say when I made the decision to change careers, it was an opportunity that presented itself, sort of unexpectedly, again, like many things in life, right?

So, it came Through a client and I had actually been embedded with them for, , a few months and worked with them, but in the, in my capacity as an labor lawyer, not, um, in hr. And the opportunity came up where there was an opening. In uh, the HR team and, head of HR at the time reached out to me.

o love being on the business [: 00:31:00

But at the time I was in it's a very clear ladder in terms of your career progression. So you have a pretty clear. Math in many ways in terms of I have to do X, Y, Z to get to this next rung. So to leave that certainty or supposed certainty, right? then to move to a completely new field where I was taking a pay cut at the time.

nd here's my values in terms [: 00:32:00

I didn't grow up in the recruiting space, but I can't tell you the gratifying, it's this excitement when you see a match between what the business business needs and the talents and individual who's coming into a role brings and wants for themselves for their own career, feeling of that match is like to

me so fulfilling.

Alexa Beavers: I think that we just came to a really interesting point. 'cause through your story you were talking about these culminating moments where you were compliant with what was expected, compliant with these things. But every time you were compliant, you might have been giving away a little bit of something that was important to you and you've moved from.

Strictly [: 00:33:00

Selyn Hong: I love the way you summed that up. Thank you.

Alexa Beavers: Yeah, it really stands out to me what your life has evolved into. Living into your values seems like a really important way to navigate the unknown, and congratulations for finding it. If you were gonna give advice to somebody, 15 years earlier than you that didn't have the value of hindsight that you do now, what would you share with them?

Selyn Hong: leaning to the fear.

Alexa Beavers: Easier said than done,

but I love the idea. Lean into the fear. Give yourself a little bit of a, I don't know, courage boost.

you wanna always prioritize [: 00:34:00

I do really think that. It could be a sign that . It could be an opportunity where , you could really benefit or grow from something.

I think there was a talk I saw from an employee at my last organization who had been at the organization since she was an intern grown to a host, very on broadcast, live broadcast. . She decided to leave the organization, she , met Employees and had an all staff.

And it was a really powerful conversation. And one of the things she shared was that she realized that , she wasn't feeling , scared anymore in she was doing work related, where, , even would go live on the air that a new opportunity to presented itself and that. She was feeling , scared in some ways. And to her, that was a sign that opportunity to grow. And if I look back on my life, I think the moments where I made important decisions that looking back were really instrumental to my own growth opportunities, I would say that there was always a little bit of that,

. Lean into some of the fear [: 00:35:00

Selyn Hong: Absolutely

Alexa Beavers: Say, Lynn, thank you so much for sharing so generously with us. Where can people find you if they wanna reach out and learn more?

Selyn Hong: they could find me on LinkedIn,

reach under Selyn Hong, and we'll put all your information in the show notes. I'm so grateful that you spent some time with us today and really shed some light on what it means to rethink what living it safe and compliant looks like, so that you can live into your values and live a values driven life.

Alexa Beavers: When that reshapes how you show up and the joy that you find. So thanks again Salin for joining us. If you enjoyed this episode with Selyn Hong, I invite you to follow the show Transformation Unfiltered. You can like us and you can subscribe. You can find us on any podcast platform.