You Can’t Want Growth More Than They Do

Lilith Kirsh: [: 00:00:00

It's wrong because you're gonna see the resistance and instead of nurturing their talent, you are gonna just push them to become someone that they don't want to, and they essentially gonna drop that. So they're gonna change the organization, they're gonna. Strive to find a place where they can feel happier or healthier.

tes their inner abilities or [: 00:01:00

Alexa Beavers: today on transformation unfiltered, we're gonna hear from Lilith. Lilith is the kind of leader who can see potential everywhere and sometimes more than the people themselves that she leads can, you know, she wants growth for her team and she wanted it so badly that she tried to carry it for them.

But what she learned changed everything she learned. You can't want it more than they do in this episode. Hear how Lilith shifted from pushing development to inviting it by asking, listening, helping people grow and grow into their own version of success, even when it looked different than what she had imagined for.

of leadership across boards.[: 00:02:00

Manufacturing and technology sectors. She partners with C-Suites and boards to align people performance and business goals. She's led global HR operations in the us, uk, France, and West Africa, and has advised on executive compensation DEI and ESG strategy at Veco Energy. She supported a high impact merger that grew revenue.

Tenfold. Currently at Royal White Cement, she drives HR strategy across six US states. Lilith serves on the boards and advisory committees of three DA 50 50 women on Boards world, NGO Day Foundation and Alliance for American Leadership. Her work reflects a commitment to inclusive leadership, ethical governance, and sustainable business growth.

Alexa Beavers: Lilith, thank you for joining us today.

Lilith Kirsh: Oh, thank you for having me.

ur biggest lessons that have [: 00:03:00

So why don't we just dig in? Does that sound okay to you?

Lilith Kirsh: Sounds great.

Alexa Beavers: Awesome. As many of our listeners know, we start with something that maybe we rewind back in your career and we talk about a messy moment or a mistake. So are you willing to drop us in at a messy moment or a mistake that happened early on for you?

Lilith Kirsh: Of course. I'm an immigrant, so I always strive to do better and I have that mindset just as just this is a disclosure before I start my story. So I came to this country knowing that I will have a chance to become someone regardless of my gender, of my religion, or of my nationality. And this is a true.

a time while being a mother [: 00:04:00

So with that mindset, I thought that everybody else. Probably are trying to do better or striving to better themselves. So when I moved forward with my career in human resources, I always take note of people who I thought that have potential and I wanted to make them. Better and grow them help them to continue their education or go for promotion.

So I had few stories that backfired on me.

Alexa Beavers: So first of all, you come to this job with a lot of motivation, a desire to strive to grow, to do better, and it's, you're attributing that really to, Hey, I moved to this country as an immigrant, wanting to make a better life for myself, and you saw this as the opportunity to.

like, yeah, I see potential. [: 00:05:00

Trying to bring out the best in these people sometimes backfired. Tell us.

Lilith Kirsh: So I did have this administrative assistant, wonderful, smart young woman, and unfortunately she dropped out of the college after two years and, I had a conversation with her and I asked her if she would like to go back to college.

And at the organization that I was working at the time, we had a great tuition assistance program. She looked right into my eyes and she told me education is not part of my goals anymore. Look around. We have people who work here for 5, 10, 15 years. They have no education, but they are fine. My goals have changed.

eling disappointed, but I've [: 00:06:00

Alexa Beavers: before we go too far, in that moment, you're sitting here, you're talking to this person, great potential in and in, in your mind, call it sounds like college was something that you greatly valued. So what was it like to hear her share that with you when you had a different vi vision for her?

Lilith Kirsh: Unexpected and probably a little bit disappointed because when you see somebody smart, when you see somebody so wit and easy to learn new things, you. To yourself, you think, okay, this person has a great potential. She's been in a college for two years, let me push her to go back, earn a degree and have a better life.

But what I have in my mind for better life, it's not equals to what she has in her mind for a better life.

Alexa Beavers: That's interesting. I think that, was that a new thing for you to contemplate?

people need continued their [: 00:07:00

Face it. The world is changing, the country changing when it specifically, when we talk about human resources, the employment laws are changing. And it's not just on a government level, but state to state. So. It is important to professionals to always stay on track of what is happening in the country and how it is gonna affect their jobs.

o to me, education is a huge [: 00:08:00

Alexa Beavers: Yeah, I can tell how passionate you are about it and it sounds like something that you really valued in your growth. Getting a second master's after having a master's in your own country when you, where you em immigrated from and now getting a second master's and really setting a lot of great reasons to continue to always learn.

I did ask you to deepen a little bit about this one person, how it struck you, and now you started to go into, but wait, there's more. So tell me about another time where you experienced something like this.

Lilith Kirsh: And this case was major disappointment for me because I groomed for years excellent very talented. Accounting manager, she was like the best that I've ever met. And we fortunately had an opening for a controller, so I approached her and we had a conversation because her team left her.

decline it. I'm like, what? [: 00:09:00

And I don't wanna do that. So I guess that was a different type of rejection to better somebody because that was not right the right time for her to be promoted. Although she had the skills, she had the desire, but it wasn't just a right time for her to move forward in her career. And as much as, it was disappointing, I think.

I've learned how to respect and understand and try to support her in a way that it would help her better.

was, ugh, this one was a big [: 00:10:00

I saw so much intelligence and talent and what was it like in the moment? For you to be facing this person who you've really invested in, and you could see, wow, you had a movie playing probably about this person's future in your head. And then here she comes and says, I have to politely decline. Tell me about what happened for you in that moment Inside.

Lilith Kirsh: I was, for me, of course, and then especially, being in human resources promotion is a good news. It's something that people usually take with, yay, thank you. Oh my God, when I'm gonna start, when my salary gonna increase?

Let's just give them more bonuses. And you always. Take it as I'm having a good news,

Alexa Beavers: Yeah, it's a great day to share something like that, right?

ened? So it is disappointing [: 00:11:00

I think these are the moments when they become a great teaching moment for HR professionals, for the leaders in the organization, where before we move forward, pushing people to better themselves, promoting them is to have that better understanding or deeper conversations with them to know what they actually want.

Alexa Beavers: That is a beautiful way to bring this into this next space, I sensed from you is a little bit of shock when you heard from this colleague. This isn't the time for me. And it sounds like she, she understood how special it was in many ways, but she had to politely decline.

m these moments. How did you [: 00:12:00

Lilith Kirsh: sometimes, our intentions come from a good place and when we are trying to support or help somebody, it's not always. Need to mean pushing them towards what we think is better for them, I think rather than take taking a pose and listening and understanding their values and supporting them in the past that they choose, not what we choose for them.

Alexa Beavers: What? What happens when they're in the driver's seat?

like, and we actually wanna [: 00:13:00

Alexa Beavers: The journey before the destination, and it sounds like when there. The creator of the journey, they're really into it.

Lilith Kirsh: Yes, because they enjoy the path and it's not forced onto them, and it's not what we think. As our leaders or HR professionals, or even as a society that would be best for them.

Alexa Beavers: I, it strikes me that probably is a big shift for many people to make, which, especially many of us go into HR because we care about people. We believe in people. We know people are the key to the success of an organization. The success of a relationship, the success of a family, whatever that looks like, people are the key.

d and saw a lot of potential [: 00:14:00

Lilith Kirsh: I guess what I've learned from this, it's just not to project my inner path, like towards success onto others, and I understand that, in human resources we have all these training and development programs and we need to approach it very carefully because this is not one size fits. All. So this needs to be very intentional and very personalized.

Otherwise, we are risking to waste our time, our resources, and most importantly the talent because we may overlook people who willing to do more versus who we think can do that.

t dug in deeper? You're like [: 00:15:00

You're going to get that, promotion no matter what. How were you graceful in accepting that news or did you push hard?

Lilith Kirsh: so no, of course you cannot force people to take a promotion if they don't want to. And you can only suggest, and if they're not interested in it, that's, a different conversation. But, forcing people to do things when it's not right time for them or not right path for them or making them to grow in a direction that you think is best for them.

It's wrong because you're gonna see the resistance and instead of nurturing their talent, you are gonna just push them to become someone that they don't want to, and they essentially gonna drop that. So they're gonna change the organization, they're gonna. Strive to find a place where they can feel happier or healthier.

e to work, where people feel [: 00:16:00

Alexa Beavers: Help me fast forward these stories and talk to me a little bit about how you pivoted as someone who saw something that could be great for these folks. They didn't think it was the right thing for them at the time. What did your championship of them look like once you knew what was important to them?

Lilith Kirsh: I guess finding a ways to support them in the way that they want to grow. So that is also important. So if today you tell me that, I want a different path and I'm not interested on what you're suggesting. For me, I let's put it this way. Our kids, for example, my 21-year-old, she's in accounting.

nna be in art, or I wanna be [: 00:17:00

Because journey is important and us as leaders, we have to support people to be successful in their journey. Before they can find that destination, they will say, okay, this is it.

Alexa Beavers: I love that you brought your daughter to this story too, because that's a really tough one. I also have kids about the same age as yours and watching them find their way when we think we might know all the answers, and we really are invested in the outcomes for these. Children that can be tough to nurture their vision for where they wanna go on the journey.

So what are some ways that you do that? Tell me some practical ways that you have been successful in helping people to find their way.

versations that not assuming [: 00:18:00

Professionals or lesser people because they don't want, to move forward at that time at their, in their life. And I know that some people will take it really badly because they would be disappointed and would say, okay, this person doesn't deserve it. But I disagree with that. It means that people are not always ready.

ey want, but supporting them [: 00:19:00

Alexa Beavers: It sounds like it's a careful balance between believing in the person and believing that person knows what's most important for them, and also exposing them to the possibilities without. And, being forceful about it. It sounds like you've struck a balance in finding what would success look like for you?

And that might change what you expose them to and offer to them in that case.

Lilith Kirsh: Yeah, I agree with that. Yes. I think we all need to support everyone, our people that surround us in the directions that they want to grow, not what we think that they grow into.

Alexa Beavers: Support them in the direction they want to grow. Yeah, I love that. And tell me about when you do that, how does it feel for you as an HR leader?

there were people that I was [: 00:20:00

Now I've learned this new skills. Now I am a CFO for the company. Now I own my own business. And, and it's extremely nice to know that you have a little hand in that, that you. Help people to achieve what they are and I think it's important.

Alexa Beavers: Yeah, I, you know what? Your whole face and energy just lifted when I, when you thought about those LinkedIn messages you've gotten and all of the ways that people have shared that they've grown and maybe none of us would've ever anticipated, but it was. You had a, in helping them find the way they wanted to grow, which is pretty.

se I have to, when I came to [: 00:21:00

And I think we as leaders and HR professionals need to always keep that in mind. And. Even though in our career we're gonna have hiccups and people who are not ready for, like being promoted or continuing their education, but there are gonna be others who are, and that would really matter for us to be there for them and help them to go through that path to better themselves to become somebody.

ally motivates you today. So [: 00:22:00

Focused on the journey, not necessarily just the destination. What are some of the tips you learned that you would like to share with others leaders so that they can help others to come back to them and say, Hey, look at me now. You helped me do that. I.

Lilith Kirsh: so I guess again, if when we are choosing one path or another and we are striving to do better. We have to be focused on what we're doing. If we decided to move forward with our goals and our dreams, that's something that we always, like some people say you can build a dream board where you can put, now I did this, now I did that.

veryone to have some sort of [: 00:23:00

I am one of the professors at my, at university, he said very interesting thing. He said, I trust the wisdom of this class. Trusting the wisdom of your colleagues, of your teammates makes you a better leader when you are not. Micromanaging when you're delegating, when you trusting that they have brilliant and great ideas that they can bring to the table.

who know more than them. The [: 00:24:00

Alexa Beavers: I think that, the things that you said. You said several very important things that I wanna underline them. One, visualize your future for yourself and knowing your path, that's so important because you can focus on yourself and knowing that is really important. And then if as you move into the path of a leader, to be a leader isn't to always have all the answers, it's to be a learner.

And trust the wisdom of your colleagues around you and surround yourself with people with all kinds of wisdom.

Lilith Kirsh: Yes.

Alexa Beavers: I love that. So what are your tips for bringing people into your space that, have amazing dreams and are just as wise or wiser than we are?

is so many possibilities to [: 00:25:00

Or volunteering because you can meet people in the same niche or in a different sectors and from their own you can build a relationship. And I've known a lot of people, just somebody commented on somebody's post or a LinkedIn article, and this is where the relationship started. This is where people got new jobs or mentors.

d a future and better career [: 00:26:00

Alexa Beavers: I love it. I think part of what you said was, a word that scares a lot of people, which is networking. When I hear the word networking sometimes that makes me have an icky feeling. However, what you said at the end was surround yourself with a network of people that can support you and you can support.

To me, that's very different and there's many paths to that don't involve like what maybe. My label of networking is, it's more about being among folks and sharing yourself with them and learning about them so that you can be in community with them and help each other out. What are some of the ways that you have found that allow you to move from just a simple hello to a deeper conversation?

fit, and we'll try to make a [: 00:27:00

Where. It'll grab you. Oh, I see you have, pictures when you're playing golf. I play golf too. Something like that. When we talk about social media, for example, we talk about LinkedIn. People post or repost things that are, they are interested. Sometimes they don't comment, but they show an interest in specific articles or in a specific area.

If that's something that also catches your eye or you have an interest in this can be really good start for a conversation.

Alexa Beavers: I love that. And I think that comes with observing. It doesn't always mean that you have to be the one that speaks first. Maybe you're spending a little time taking it all in which can speak really nicely to some of us who need a little time before we know the right thing to say. I love that you mentioned, people are noticing important little things about.

that as a point of interest [: 00:28:00

It sounds like people trust you enough to share what's on their heart and mind, like these two women who had the bravery to say, you know what? It's not the time for me and here's why. Here's what I'd rather have. They must have had something that they trusted you to be able to share that. How do you build trust?

Lilith Kirsh: I think number one, it's always in any relationship, not just in work relationship. It's respect for me. So if you respect each and every person in your organization, whether they're your direct reports or your superiors. That's gonna work out well because respect equals to understanding where they come from and having patience.

cover or to explain or to do [: 00:29:00

There are times where people can be down and understanding that and respecting that and giving them space, I think builds that trust in the relationship where you can move forward from there.

Alexa Beavers: I love it. And I think one thing that you said that I really just wanna underline is we are all. Humans. Humans, sometimes we are gonna mess up. Let's give each other a little space to recover and grow and learn and move on from that. And to just know that we're all humans, we're all just trying to figure it out.

And if we have our best intentions in place for one another, that can really go a long way, which is where you started. You always had your best intentions in mind for helping people around you. Lilith, what are some of the things that you would. Share with somebody that's maybe 15 years junior in their career.

y advice for somebody coming [: 00:30:00

Lilith Kirsh: yes. Especially nowadays. Please do not be discouraged. Please be patient. I know when you young, you want everything . But my 2 cents in this. Please be patient. Everything is gonna come to you. You are going to be successful. I believe that the new generation that is coming forward.

Is very smart, very educated, and with the AI and, all the other internet support that we have, they have more knowledge than I had when I was growing up. You have more exposure to the world and you know how it moves forward. Be patient, have your goals set up for yourself, and I'm sure you all gonna be very successful.

Alexa Beavers: I love it and being patient, having your goal set up. And something else that I'd like to just bring in that you said earlier is build a network of support people around you. You can't underestimate the power of having your community around you.

Lilith Kirsh: that is true. Yeah.

Alexa Beavers: Yeah, [: 00:31:00

How can people get in touch with you?

Lilith Kirsh: you can find me on LinkedIn and I'm hoping that will be also posted somewhere in the comments.

Alexa Beavers: Absolutely. In the show notes, you can find where to reach out to Lilith on LinkedIn, but also do share some comments. Share your questions, share your wonders, share what made you excited, share what you're. Confused about because we wanna hear from you. If you liked this episode with Lilith Kirch who did a, thank you very much Lilith for sharing your journey and your lessons and your wisdom with us.

Please tune into Transformation Unfiltered. You can find us on your favorite podcast platform. You can subscribe and you can share this podcast with others who you think might benefit. We're looking forward to hearing from you. See you next time.