Transforming Negative Self-Talk into Empowering Affirmations

  📍 It's about. Coming to the bargaining table, understanding your worth, understanding what you have to offer. So enough, talked a lot about self-care and being on that path of being true to myself, understanding my wants and my needs, and just not being what. Being willing to settle for that anymore.

And I'll give an example of one time when I asked and demand it for my needs. So the position that I have right now it's, it was a recruiting process for probably around a year, but the last time that I spoke with my current leader before I accepted the position. We had a conversation, and I like to believe that at this point in my career with all of the accomplishments and all the acknowledge that I've obtained, that I've gone beyond begging for a position.

It's about an organization has a need. I feel so inclined to see if what I bring to the table aligns with that need, and we go from there. And if we decide that there is a misalignment, there's no hard feelings. I am just not interested in placing myself in positions that don't value me anymore. So this time when we had a conversation, it was scheduled for 30 minutes and it went to 94 minutes.

I remember it precisely because I was at the point in my career where I'm like, Hey, this is what I do and this is how I can elevate the organization, but these are the things that I need to be successful. I need support. I need alignment. I need that partnership in order to deliver the values that I know that I bring to an organization.

What are your thoughts around that? And my now leader was very transparent about what he was looking for, what we needed. But again, it was a conversation. It wasn't a, I'm begging you for a job. Pick me. It was a conversation to make sure that it was the best fit for everyone around.

  have you ever felt like you couldn't fully show up as yourself at work? Like speaking your truth might put your job or your reputation, or your peace at risk. So instead, you stay quiet, you overachieve, you wear the mask in the cape of a superhero, you tell yourself it's about toughing it out, being professional, strategic, safe.

But over time, that kind of safety starts to feel like self-sacrifice. In today's episode, we're talking about what happens when hiding who you really are, becomes part of your survival strategy and what it takes to break that cycle. This one's for you, the high achievers, the code switchers, the ones who've been told they're too much or not enough.

 Today's guest is Tracy Wills, someone who just doesn't lead transformation. She actually lives it. With over 25 years of experience spanning healthcare, logistics, and government, Tracy has helped major organizations like H-C-A-Y-R-C and the National Association of Insurance Commissioners to rethink how they lead.

Plan and execute change. She's known for taking on big complex challenges and turning them into strategic wins, whether it's modernizing portfolio management, driving agile transformation, or building enterprise strategy that actually works in the real world. Tracy's currently serves as strategic advisor to a VLA university's generative AI program where she's exploring how AI can fast track collaboration, innovation, and real transformation inside organizations.

But what really sets her apart is her people first approach. Tracy is a builder of high performing teams, a trusted partner to executives and a leader who always brings the voice of the customer into the room. Outside the boardroom, she gives back as a mentor with the Boys and Girls Club of Greater Kansas City and serves on the Board of Positive Planet.

She's here today to share insights on how to lead with clarity, move with confidence, and push the boundaries of what's possible. Please welcome Tracy Wills.

 tracy thank you so much for joining me today. I am delighted to have you and your wisdom here today on Transformation Unfiltered. So Tracy, why don't we just get right into it when we were talking earlier, you told me about something that really shaped who you are today. It was something that felt very personal and important to share.

 Yeah, I would say, if I'm being honest, I've made several mistakes in my past. Yet they were all rooted from this one single source, and that was simply believing the little lies that were ingrained into me early on, and it was directly responsible for several decisions, for several mistakes that I've made over my career that I knew I simply needed to course correct.

Personally and professionally, and I would say the incident that we were talking about, or maybe the epiphany, I'll say it that way, the epiphany that you're referencing. It came with the birth of my son. And I'll say, as an African American woman in corporate America, it's a real battle with trying to prove your worth and moving forward with what's known as, you may or may not know this term, and it's called the black tax.

And that's meaning that you simply have to work twice as hard to get half the recognition and rewards of your counterparts. And it's also rooted in that requirement to maybe code switch, meaning that in order to be accepted. You simply must hide your true, authentic self. And Alexa, when you pair that with a self doubt, those little lies that feed that insecurity, there's just positive.

So I'll say this epiphany Of mine came one. I have my son, the birth of my son. I was working in a very stressful corporate environment and while I shoulder the burden of the black tags and the code switching during the day at night at home when the veil is off. While I was giving the best of myself during the day to people that I wasn't sure that I really mattered to at night, I was giving the worst of myself to the one person that mattered the most.

And when I thought about legacy for him, what I wanted to teach him is to be a good human on this earth. And funny enough, I wanted to teach him that in order to be a good human, you have to be in that space where you can be your authentic self And it was just like the light popped on and right then it was like the double life and I can't say anything differently. The double life that I was leading due to the lives and the insecurity and the doubt just came tumbling down and I knew that to be fully present for my son, I literally had to make some decisions right then and right there that I would start and taking control of my life.

I would make the decisions that made me the healthy and the whole person that I needed to be, whatever that looked like, because I do believe that you simply can't impart wisdom to someone that you don't have. I had to create the space for him to teach him. I had to heal, and I think that was just that defining moment.

What legacy are you giving to your son? What treatment, how are you showing up for him? Because we all know as parents that it's not what we say, it's what we do. Children are really smart. So I would say that's where my epiphany chain

 I am grateful that you shared that, and I would love to ask a couple questions about if you're feeling comfortable to share. What were the kind of things you said? I was telling myself lies and the big lie was, I'm not good enough, there may have been a lot of reasons for that. What were some of the things that were going on inside your head that fed that?

 Oh man, there are so many. So I will say some of the things that, that those lies, and again, those lies didn't start when I came to corporate America. I could say they were compounded, but they didn't start in corporate America. They came as the little girl that was told to be seen and never heard. They came as the little girl that's oh, you are not pretty enough.

You're not good enough. No one would ever want anyone like you or just shut up. Just go away. The lies began long before I could recognize that they were lots. So when you take that into adulthood, when the subtleties of when you're in a meeting. You're talked over and you're giving an idea, and the next thing you know your idea is accepted, but it's accepted by your boss.

Your boss takes the credit. It's the invisibility that a lot of us deal with. It's going to a restaurant and being a leader. Maybe you're the only African American woman in the group, but you're the leader of the group and the ticket is handed to the white man. When you're the one responsible for the bill, it's those types of things that are ingrained into that.

They don't see you as good enough, and it's not that they don't see you as good enough. You believe that you're not good enough, so then it compounds the lies.

 what I'm picking up on is it's a vicious cycle of. Small moments that reinforce this big idea that one, you're not good enough, but also you're not even here, you're invisible. And that, I have the hair standing up on the back of my neck and I know it's telling me something that is touches.

I am curious for you, how did you bear the weight of those many little. Little deep pokes. How did you bear that?

 Enough. Funny enough, you move in that space of being invisible. The things that you tell yourself to survive, Alexa, oh, it's just going to be that way. You have to toil through it. You need to toughen up. This is life. Do what you have to do to get through the day, because at the end of the day, it's not about your mental health.

It's not about your physical health. It's about paying the bills. It's about being responsible. It's about being the superwoman, that mantra that you were named to be. It's about all those things. It's about dying inside a little bit every day to keep up with the norm, to keep up with the status quo.

You just toughen up and you do what you have to do, but in toughening up and doing what you have to do. Again, you tell yourself the little lies and you die a little bit every day. But that's strength, right? That's the strength that a woman is supposed to have. That's the strength of the mystical African American woman who's superwoman and she can take on the world and she doesn't have feelings.

Who cares about your feelings? You're stronger than that. You get through it. You do what you need to do. I guess I say all that to say is you survive it by almost being invisible yourself and forgetting that it happened, or not believing that it happened, or just stuffing it down with everything else.

You just, you're supposed to have the stiff upper lip and just move forward. That's how you survive it.

  I feel like there's so much that is wrapped up in reinforcing that behavior, keeping you safe, but really in the words you used or you're dying a little bit every day, what was the moment you mentioned the moment where you were like, this is not gonna be okay for me. What allowed you to not only recognize it, but actually make a shift?

 Recognizing it came when I couldn't take it anymore, when the emotional pain. Manifested into physical pain where again, I'm a mother to the son and he's a blank slate, right? And all that he has, or most of what he has, is going to come from me so I can choose to pass off a legacy of despair, depression, lack of acceptance, insecurity, or I could heal myself.

And start passing off that legacy of authenticity, of safety, of your good enough reversing the lies that I was told. So I would never tell healing myself, said I wouldn't be the abuser and pass on the same abuse and I abuses. We all know it's emotional. It's not just physical passing that off. But I think also as well, I got to a point where.

There is something good about the black tax when you're forced to work twice as hard. You get to be pretty good at what you do. And then I started reversing the lives and I started to tell myself, you must be good enough to do something or you wouldn't be here. So you become the best at what you do because when you become the best at what you do, you can start to command conditions.

I can say, I can choose. I have a choice. I don't have to be here. I can take my skillset, I can take my authentic self other places. When I gave myself the space and the security to understand that you are enough, you are good enough, you. Stand up and behave that way. Don't listen to those lies. You are enough.

When I understood my power, I guess maybe that's the best way to summarize it. When I understood my power and my skillset, I started to demand and command better treatment because there it was a very empowering feeling to know that if. You don't want me at this table, that's fine because there's another table where I can contribute and I'm not afraid to get up and leave.

That was the defining point. When I understood that I was not as powerless as I thought, and I was not as useless as I was told, I put that into action and that became such a healer for me in every way, not just professionally. When a relationship is beneath you. You have to move on. It was telling myself, you have the power,

 You do. You absolutely do. I have always experienced you. In the way that you taught me that we have choices and that was wonderful. I, you mentioned something that I'm curious about. When you said I couldn't take it anymore, and it wasn't just emotional pain, it was physical pain. I wonder if you could talk a little bit about that.

 Oh, absolutely. I was, I'll tell you when that happened. I was in a position, I was working with a small child working 70 hours a week, and at the time I reported to the president of the organization. Project director, lots of responsibility. And I started getting splitting blinding headaches. I'm like, where are they coming from?

And not only was I diagnosed with migraines, something I'd never had before, my doctor said you've never had a history of high blood pressure, but your blood pressure is through the roof. And I thought, what? Migraines and high blood pressure. And then when I started to realize the seriousness of that, this was all stress.

This was all stress related. This is trying to be the superwoman of balancing the mom and the working professional. And by the way, I forgot to mention that my dad was elderly and his health was declining, and I was his only support physically and financially as well. Let's just throw that into the mix.

It was, wow, this stress, this anxiety is manifesting physically and now you have migraines and you have high blood pressure, and that's serious. We thought they were stroke symptoms at first because of all of the symptoms. And it goes back to this one person that you are responsible for. And while your children grow up to have other influences, right now, you are his world.

The stress and the anxiety is manifesting physically. And if you aren't careful, you're going to be on a bunch of medicines. Or you could be in a position where you can't take care of your child because you just have stroke or a heart attack. And I thought enough because not only was it stress and anxiety, then you tend to overeat.

You don't exercise, you don't take care of yourself. And when you don't value yourself, you don't see those things that's important. So all of that reinforcement, it was okay, now it's starting to be a health issue. You can't hide it anymore. You've wounded weight, now you have migraines, and now you're about to start taking medication for high blood pressure.

You can't hide it anymore. It's, I liken an Alexa to, it's the trash can. If you keep stuffing trash in and you don't take trash out, it overflows, and now you can't contain that Your trash can is overflowing. Everybody sees and it's wow, what you thought you were doing such a good job at hiding.

You can't hide anymore. But it's not just about hiding, but the impacts of trying to push it all down, trying to wish it all away. It'd be when it started to impact my health. Said, okay, this is enough. What difference does it make if you are successful to the world? Is that what you're gonna put on your headstone?

 When you said you kept, the trash was going in and what I also heard was there was no outlet because you were suppressing all of that. The lies, the times you had to swallow your own words, the times you did not get credit, the times that you had to carry the weight of being a carer and the breadwinner and all of those things.

And it was all, not even just filling your trash can, but it was trash compacted and getting really. It attacked you your physical body. And in the beginning of the conversation you talked a little bit about not being your whole self, and I think not being your whole human, beautiful self leads to physical. Mental emotional pain and true illness, and I think that you just told the story of that so well.

 Yes, there's no safe space. There's no positive.

 what is interesting to me is somehow you created safe space for yourself. fast forward, and you talked a lot about some of the things that were really important, but tell me a little bit about the journey. From the realization and saying No more. I have a great reason to leave a legacy that I'm proud of that goes beyond just my job, but it really comes through in your job too.

Tell me a little bit about that path. Let's move out of this tough time and hear how you emerged Urge.

 Yes. I would say how I emerged is probably how I started this whole conversation. I. It was an exercise in self-care. It was a health exercise in self-talk. The lies you tell yourself those little dark lies. I said, if you can lie to yourself about the bad things, try convincing yourself that actually there's some good out there.

And I actually talked to myself. I have affirmations. I've had a girl cards. It might be a little weird to look at some of the spaces in my vanity room, but I have had a girl cards. But I would say Alexa, the one thing I always start with is gratitude. And gratitude in a weird way of the journey that I went through.

If I hadn't been through the valleys, if I hadn't been through the lows, the successes. The positive affirmations they wouldn't feel is good because they, it was a hard fought fight, but it was a successful one. And I say, I tell myself every day, you are enough. I'm not a jewelry person. I have a couple of pieces that are really near and dear to me.

I have expensive jewelry, but I'll tell you a story. There was a vendor on Facebook Marketplace and she had this beautiful bracelet, and it was probably only 15. The only thing that I saw was the circle on this bracelet, and it said, you're enough. And Alexa, when I am walking into executive meetings, when I am walking in spaces or I maybe need a little bit more confidence than I have, that bracelet is on my left wrist every day, and sometimes I touch it as a reminder.

I say, I am here because I have recognized that I'm enough. I belong. And if it's you can listen to those little lies that you tell yourself when you're in that dark space, then you can listen to the positive affirmations that you tell yourself when you need it. I believe what I tell myself, whether that's a lie or the truth, and I choose the truth, and the truth is that I'm a pretty amazing person.

 Agreed. So one of the things I'm wondering about now is, there's two things you said that relate in my brain. Maybe I'm weird, I. You said the black tax actually helped me to be the best at my craft at my career because I had to work twice as hard. So there's another thing that goes with that, but can you talk a little bit about how you were able to harness that to your advantage?

 sure. I will say that how do I say this? It's rooted into that. You not good enough. You are not going to be anything. Unfortunately, I took that negative talk and I harnessed it into, oh, I will be everything that you say. I'm not. Education was very important to me and I knew that to give myself choices, I had to have a really good education.

So that was something that I was always serious about. That's something that I imparted into my son education. Education comes opportunities. So I would take all the opportunities. The first one to show up. I'd be the last one to leave. I'd volunteer for the assignments that no one wanted or quote, you don't pay me to do that.

I did those things because what I, while others saw it as being overworked and misused, I saw as opportunity. I saw a skill I saw as a way out, or a way in maybe that way. So harnessing that black taxes being twice as good for half the credit. I thought, expose yourself to everything to make yourself indisposable or indispensable.

Make sure that when you are the one that they call on. They get the best if you were expecting mediocre. I'm not sorry to disappoint now, while that was very taxing and very, it was a daunting task to do, that's how I harnessed that black tax. I used every opportunity I could to get the education and the information and the experience that I needed to be able to command choices .

 I feel a little sad that was what you felt like, what you actually not felt like you had to do, but what was the thing that got you where you are today? And I think it's, it. Everything has positives and negatives and you strike me as like a realism realist with positive and all shining through.

Now, when you think about the costs of that, have you overcome the costs of being the first one there, the last to leave? How did you support yourself through that?

 so even though I did it, I would recommend someone probably not doing that, or at least having the balance. It was important for me to have access to everything because I felt like having access to everything made me aee to everything. I think I would recommend for someone starting out, advocate for access, take the assignments, but focus.

I would say the one thing I did not have is focus because I wanted to know at all. I felt like I needed to consume it all because I thought I needed to be the at everything. Focus on what you are really wanting to be good at. Focus on what you're passionate about. Understand what your assignment is, what feeds your soul, what makes your heart sink, and then focus on that.

No one's ever going be excellent at everything, so my recommendation would be to focus on what matters to you and then fight for access to that.

 I think that's very helpful because I just imagined you with 30 arms trying to do it all and I think that is not always the thing that can last forever. So I. All of this, clearly made you a fabulous mother and when you think about that's awesome. Your whole person. So your motherhood and your career intersect. Tell me a little bit about how all of your journey has catapulted you to where you are today in your work.

  It. It helps me to learn to focus on what matters the most and when we're honest with ourselves, yes, our careers matter to us because as we see it as an extension of who we are. Being a mother, being a wife matters to us because it's an extension of who we're, but I say focus it. My journey has helped me to focus on what matters the most, and I've had this conversation with my son.

He graduates from college and another week or so, and there's a lot of anxiety about what this new world brings for him. For so long, education, school friends have been the center of his universe. Now he's about to venture into this whole new presence and there's this anxiety there, and we have conversations about focusing on what matters most.

And at the end of the day, for me, yes, my career matters to me. Yes, being a mother is of utmost importance to me, but what matters most is being healed, being safe, being able to look myself in the mirror. And say, you know what? You're okay. You did enough. Good job. And it's about tapping into who you are personally to say again, what matters the most.

So I say focus on that balance, but always focus on what matters. Look at those two to three things that if someone were to take from you today, how would it impact you? And the ones that elicit the most emotion, those are the things you should be focusing on. For me, it's being a good person. It's being a healed and a safe person, and showing up authentically in any space that I'm in so that I can give permission for others to do the same.

It's about whatever I do in my career or as being a mother, leaving a legacy that someone would say, wow, I like that. I'd like to emulate that. I'm glad she felt like she could do that. I'm glad that she braved those waters and she braved that path. I would like to be seen as someone who made a difference.

That's what matters to me. So I focus on the balance and I focus on what matters.

 I love that and I think that when you are giving advice. Someone that is 15 years earlier, that is amazing advice to follow. Focus on what matters. There's a lot that you may feel like you need to do to be able to buck the ideas of what people tell you are or aren't. Focus on what matters to you and do that and nurture it.

Get the balance, and you will come through, that's part of your legacy.

 Absolutely. And something else I would say to Alexa is, again, when you are driven from a space of insecurity and the lies and the anxiety, I would say three fourths, the many battle that you will ever undertake is understanding. You have just as much right to occupy the same space as anyone else, and it's so important that you believe that because if you don't believe that you belong, if that's not a part of your mindset, then there isn't a skillset you can acquire.

There isn't an education or a certification or a network available to you that is going to bring you the success and the fulfillment that you need if you don't start off by believing that you belong there in the first place.

  ​one of the things you mentioned as we were unpacking your career journey was over time you learned to not only just ask for what you need, but you were like I am worth it to demand what I need, and I'd really love to hear more about what does that look like when you do it.

 Absolutely.

So I go back to that to say, make sure that you are harnessing your power and you are being upfront and transparent about what you bring to the table, so that when you are in the position, it's a much better alignment, much better expectation about what you bring and what they need.

Satisfaction comes from that.

 Yeah, I think satisfaction. What I also heard in that is maybe a whole mindset shift about how you're. Approaching it, which is not that, oh, they would be lucky. I would be lucky to have them, but hey, we could be mutually successful together if these things are in place. And that's a little bit different.

It's going from a place of scarcity and like they're in the. Positional power to, Hey, we both have something. We're on even ground here. And I think that is a huge shift. How did you get to that mindset? I know I've felt small around, certain, I don't know, in job interviews, and I think that sometimes it makes me shrink a little.

How did you stand in your space?

 I won't say that it is consistent and a hundred percent all the time, Alexa, but what I will say is it goes back to. Being true to myself. I've been in the trenches for a while and I know what made me feel valued, and I know what made me feel devalued and a commitment to myself is that you will not intentionally place yourself in spaces where you are not valued, where your value is not seen, and where you have to struggle and fight, so to speak.

It's not worth it at the end of the day. To my internal value system. So I go back to Tracy, seek those basic spaces that seek you. And when I'm coming from a place of power knowledge, I know what I bring to the table. So if I'm not sitting at that table, I trust that it's for a reason.

 Wow. I think what a loving act to not put yourself in positions that are not gonna be serving you because that's not gonna let you serve. A position either. So I love that and I think that's such a good commitment for anyone to do for themselves. One other thing that we talked about when we met last was, achievement.

You're a high achiever, you have found your way into boardrooms and things like that, and you are, really. At the apex of your career. I'm sure you can go up from here, believe it or not, but I think, I see some of my, some of the women that I really admire, and every time I turn around they're getting a new certification and I How have, how do you, what do you make of that?

 yes, the numerous certifications and the perception around it that it increases knowledge in a particular domain. So there is a term for that. Maybe I coined it. Maybe I stole it. But it's the serial certification seeker. Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in the alphabet soup. I certainly have my share of degrees and certifications as well.

So again, definitely I don't want to put that misperception around and have it floating out there. But when I say beware of that serial. Certification seeker trap. What I mean is that when we laser focus on getting certifications, we miss a key element of what those are designed to give us, and we should be seeking knowledge over numbers.

And there's also a saying that with all of those certifications, it makes you a smee of everything, yet a master of nothing. And those are the dangers that I'm mourning about and I want to highlight. Here's the thing, and this goes back to my earlier declaration of moving towards your passion being true to yourself.

My sincere advice in this area is to focus on what you love, focus on what you are really good at, and then seek those degrees and certifications that enhance and that aligned with that, because that's where your power lies. And then you harness that power and you use it as the leverage when you're moving forward in conversations with CTOs or whomever you are about to come into partnership with.

Use that power to move forward. 'cause here's another thing that I know, your passions or your gifts and your gifts will make room for you. And when you take that advice and when you heed it internally. You will be unstoppable when you align your passions and your power, and that will open doors for even the most skeptical person in the room.

They will notice and they will make space for you at that table because there is nothing like raw, authentic passion and power when they are aligned.

 I love that, and I think when it comes to focusing all your energy on being you,

 Yes.

 which is where you start, let me look in and see what really is my gift, my strength, my passion, and how do I. Perfect that not the world after perfection, then that creates a unique power and it really is unstoppable rather than diluting your great brain into all these different places and being, I guess the SME of a lot, but the master of none.

 Absolutely. You can be great at a lot of things, but you excel in your passion, in your power.

 So we've talked about a lot of things. What really stands out to me is coming into a place where you are being. Kind and supportive of yourself as much as you are for other people. Tapping into your passion and what is really valuable to you, and then of course, growing in a way that allows you to. Speak on behalf of yourself and really tap into the things that make you, because that's when you shine. Any other things you wanna throw on the table for our listeners today?

 I would say think about the person that you love most in the world, and you think about maybe you are in the position to be their biggest advocate. What would you say? About them. What would you do for them? What mountains would you climb for them? And then you think about that person and give yourself that same grace.

You give yourself that same ranking in your life. Be the person that loves you the most. Be the person that you will advocate for in any room that you'll climb any mountain for. And start there. ​

 I think that's great advice to. Use the, maybe the skills that you did to say, Hey, I've been convincing myself all this time that I'm not good enough. I'm a pretty good convincer. I'm gonna try to convince myself that, yeah, I am wonderful and whole and perfect just the way I look and think, and feel today. Those were the things that really came to me and you know your story. Tracy, I wanna thank you so much for sharing such a tender piece of your journey and being brave to put it out there. So other humans, can all learn from the lessons that you've brought and hopefully we won't be working from a place of fear because when we're working from a place of, I'm enough, it changes a lot of things.

 Thank you for creating this space. Alexa, thank you for creating this outlet and I'm. Normally not so open. I don't typically have the courage to really touch on those personal parts, but I believe that in order to influence, you have to be authentic and you have to tell the story. So thank you for creating a space for people like me to tell stories.

 I am so glad you're here and that our world's crossed now A, but a bunch of people might be wondering, oh, tell me more about Tracy. Where can people find you if they're looking for you?

 Oh my gosh. I have a LinkedIn presence, so they can always find me on LinkedIn under Tracy Wills. I would say if anyone is looking to hear more about my story, if they're looking for mentorship and the space, LinkedIn is a great place to reach out to me.

I'm pretty responsive there.

 You've mentored a lot of people through being on this call today. It's a okay, this is your entry into mentoring a lot of you folks out there, so don't knock down Tracy's door. I have a spot in this line, but what I would love is for us to just recap one more time some of the things that really, we're moving and meaningful For sure.

And the bottom line is. No matter what society tells you, no matter what your own little inner voice is telling you, you are enough. And sometimes you have to work extra hard to overcome those things. But while you're in the process of doing that, honor yourself. Focus on what matters to you and bring in the balance. So thanks, Tracy. I wanna thank everyone for listening. If you liked what you heard, please subscribe to Transformation Unfiltered. You can give us a five star review on your favorite podcast platform, and we will look forward to seeing you for the next episode.